You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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