But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
50% drunk capacity currently
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
