whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
