so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
