watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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