Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize