I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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