Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
