Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
