Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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