Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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