No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
