There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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