Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
