Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
