We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
