Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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