my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
