Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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