Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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