my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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