we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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