I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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