I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dear god my vagina.
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