I don't usually arrange sex via text message
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
