just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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