I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
