fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
