Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
