I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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