Whod you bang
Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize