Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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