Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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