Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
