i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
