Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
