My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY