I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.