My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again