I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
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An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.