just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
