U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
