Your face is a jimmy john
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
