WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i think i just lost a toe
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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