So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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