Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
