Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
