but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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