I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
