Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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