"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
