your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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