Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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