marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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