I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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