just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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