I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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