I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
