Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
