in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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