So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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