Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
