On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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