I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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