I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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