i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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