Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
