i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she looked like the before picture.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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