I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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