so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
