There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
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We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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