I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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