My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
