Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
