i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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