why didn't you poke me back
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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