OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
