Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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