Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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