im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
