Heybabeimwearingurpanties
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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