Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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