I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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